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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26298199">Pivot Point</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Percie_Jean/pseuds/Percie_Jean'>Percie_Jean</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Big Hero 6 (2014)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Brother fic, Character Study, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Healing</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 09:06:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,575</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26298199</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Percie_Jean/pseuds/Percie_Jean</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The problem with grief was that it was messy. And, like Tadashi, it found Hiro wherever he ran.</p><p>(Originally posted on Fanfiction.net)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Pivot Point</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The problem with grief, Hiro decided, was that it wasn’t a straight shot, expedient and direct like GoGo on her bike. It wasn’t predictable, like one of Honey Lemon’s chemical reactions (though it </span>
  <em>
    <span>did</span>
  </em>
  <span> occasionally surprise him by blowing up in his face). It didn’t stay neatly within the lines like Wasabi’s well-organized tool table. It wasn’t even controllably uncontrolled like Fred.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Grief was like Tadashi. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It always found Hiro at the most inconvenient times, especially when he didn’t want to be found. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It nagged at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It forced him to think about things he hadn’t considered before. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Grief was circular. He couldn’t walk it out once and be done with it. He couldn’t give it a cursory answer just to get it off his back. Grief would gently but firmly poke and prod until Hiro gave it his attention - unless he ran away from it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But grief was persistent. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Grief was relentless. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And, like Tadashi, it found Hiro wherever he ran. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t know what to do with it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t know how to deal with it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But he couldn’t make it go away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So he lived with it because he had to, grudgingly letting it into Tadashi’s little corner of the room half-hidden behind the shoji. He firmly stipulated that this was a temporary arrangement - he had no intention of letting grief stay and settle - but if the interloping emotion was going to insist on hanging around, it could at least stay out of his way in that little corner of the room, half-hidden behind the shoji where Hiro could keep a wary eye on it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So grief settled in amongst Tadashi’s books and belongings. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When things started heating up with the microbots and Yokai, Hiro temporarily forgot about grief. His mind was distracted, and his hours were consumed with the challenge of making superheroes out of Tadashi’s nerdy group of friends with the aim of bringing Alistair Krei to justice. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But when Callaghan revealed himself as the one who had started the fire, Hiro’s objective changed. His enemy was no longer a businessman who had been blinded by greed, a man who simply wanted to get his hands on the latest cutting-edge tech while covering his tracks. No, Callaghan was much more despicable than that - Callaghan was a betrayer of the worst kind, a  professor who had callously left his student - had left </span>
  <em>
    <span>Tadashi, </span>
  </em>
  <span>good-hearted, trusting, </span>
  <em>
    <span>stupidly-heroic</span>
  </em>
  <span> Tadashi</span>
  <em>
    <span> -</span>
  </em>
  <span> to die while saving himself instead. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Hiro wanted Callaghan destroyed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>In that one awful moment of revelation, he’d been dumbstruck at first by the truth - it couldn’t be true because it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>too terrible</span>
  </em>
  <span> to be true - but then reality set in, and anger boiled up, a deep and visceral anger that instantly consumed Hiro the moment he gave it quarter. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just before he yielded total control, he thought he heard the voice of grief calling, warning and urgent, but it was just a whisper, and he roughly shoved it aside before giving full vent to his fury. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t remember much of what happened after that. It was only a whirlwind of blasts and shouts and microbots and the pounding anger in his head that drowned out every other sound until Callaghan escaped through the roof, and all that was left was the hum of Baymax’s rocket fist powering down and the ragged breathing of Hiro’s teammates as they stared at him in shock and disbelief. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t want to hear their objections or their reproving words. Callaghan had gotten away, and that was all that mattered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wings!” he snapped as he climbed aboard Baymax. “Fly!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then they were shooting through the hole in the ceiling overhead, and the wind was rushing past Hiro’s face, drowning out the voice of grief and the sounds of his teammates as they called after him to stop. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He seethed the entire way back home, replaying Callaghan’s infuriating words over and over in his head. If his friends - if </span>
  <em>
    <span>Tadashi’s</span>
  </em>
  <span> friends - hadn’t interfered, the man responsible for everything would have gotten what he’d deserved, but instead, they’d enabled Callaghan to retrieve the microbots and escape. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wouldn't be able to hide for long, though; Hiro was determined to bring him down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fixing Baymax’s damaged sensor was simple enough, and Hiro’s anger made him sharp and focused, so it was only a matter of minutes before they were ready to resume the search for Callaghan. Hiro tapped on Baymax’s access port, intending to remove the robot’s healthcare chip as a precautionary measure (for he was not about to let his brother’s betrayer walk away from their next encounter regardless of who interfered). </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Baymax resisted. And no matter how much Hiro protested, the robot refused to comply. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hiro’s emotions surged again. Why did everyone have to make it so difficult? Why did they have to stand in his way and complicate things? Why couldn’t any of them see reason? Why couldn’t they </span>
  <em>
    <span>understand?! </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He found himself venting his anger on Baymax, raising his fists in the air and slamming them down against the robot’s inflatable body as a cry of anguished despair tore through him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tadashi’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>gone</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The words reverberated in his head as their painful finality settled in. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Tadashi’s...gone. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>At first, there was only silence and the deafening sound of his heart beating in his chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But then...suddenly...grief was there.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And it was like those times when Tadashi had found Hiro after he’d been hustled out of his money at a bot fight, or when he’d gotten into a scuffle with another kid at school who’d made fun of him for being smart, or when he’d mouthed off to Aunt Cass because he was angry and sad and no matter how well-intentioned she was, she couldn’t - </span>
  <em>
    <span>couldn’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> - bring his parents back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>At those times, Tadashi would defer the lecturing and would hunker down next to Hiro and put a hand on his shoulder, strong and reassuring, and he would stay like that for a moment, not saying anything at first, just letting his brother know that he was there, and that it was okay - okay to be angry, okay to be sad, okay to </span>
  <em>
    <span>feel</span>
  </em>
  <span> or to not even know what he was feeling...and in those moments, Hiro always felt like somehow it </span>
  <em>
    <span>would</span>
  </em>
  <span> be okay, at least for a while, because Tadashi was there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But now Tadashi was gone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And instead, grief drew near, quiet and unassuming but impossible to ignore. Hiro simultaneously wanted to embrace it and to push it away, for anger was still running hot through his veins, and he didn’t want to displace it, not yet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But grief didn’t seem to be interested in evicting his stronger emotions. It didn’t try to force its way in or to force anger out. Instead, it too hunkered down next to Hiro and waited. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And after several moments, it did what Tadashi often did once he’d calmed Hiro down and reassured him of his presence. It began asking questions.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What are you feeling?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What do you need?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What hurts?</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Hiro had only half-answers, and even those were faltering and tinged with ire, but somehow acknowledging them lessened the ache in his heart just a little.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was feeling sad and lost and angry. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He needed to have Tadashi back again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And it hurt to know that he never could.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A torrent of emotions welled up inside Hiro, and he felt tears beginning to form in his eyes, but then the voice of grief whispered:</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Look.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Baymax was playing back the footage of Tadashi in his lab. And as Hiro watched, it was like his brother was there, right there in all of his goofy, persistent, long-suffering, big-brother glory. </span>
  <em>
    <span>There</span>
  </em>
  <span> was the determined expression that Tadashi made whenever he’d set his mind on something. </span>
  <em>
    <span>There </span>
  </em>
  <span>was the slight rasp in his voice that showed up any time he’d pulled an all-nighter. </span>
  <em>
    <span>There</span>
  </em>
  <span> was the way his shoulders slumped when he was relieved, and the way his eyes lit up when he was happy... </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was his smile, the smile that stretched across his face whenever he was proud. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The smile he’d given Hiro only moments before he’d given up his life. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hiro felt a tear slide down his cheek, and he brushed it away, his heart uplifted and aching all at once. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not giving up on you,” Tadashi had said. And though the words had been directed at Baymax, Hiro knew that they were for him as well. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>What would his brother have done if he’d been the one facing Callaghan? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look for a new angle,” Tadashi had always suggested. But looking for a new angle and its implication -  </span>
  <em>
    <span>seeing</span>
  </em>
  <span> things from a new angle - required giving up the point of view you were currently hanging on to…and </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> was the kicker.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Looking from a new angle wasn’t as simple as it sounded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was easier to hold on to hatred. Easier not to deviate from the way things were. Easier not to change direction or to reverse course, because that meant having to change your mind and maybe to even admit that you were wrong. And Hiro didn’t want to do any of those things. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But what would Tadashi have wanted? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hiro knew the answer - he’d </span>
  <em>
    <span>known</span>
  </em>
  <span> the answer when he’d heard the protests of his teammates calling out for him to stop as he’d ordered Baymax after Callaghan. He’d known it when Baymax himself had posed the question amidst Hiro’s escalating irritation at the robot’s refusal to allow him access to the healthcare chip - the chip that Tadashi had created to make Baymax what he was. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Baymax’s purpose was to heal people, not to harm them, to prolong life, not extinguish it. And though the atrocity of Callaghan’s actions remained reprehensible, Hiro found himself half-grudgingly trying to apply his brother’s advice and to look at the situation from a new angle - namely, from the perspective of the man he’d been bent on destroying. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before he could get far, his teammates arrived, and after a brief but sincere moment of reconciliation, Hiro was pulling up the video footage they’d brought to show him, the questions still running through his head: </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What would drive Callaghan to such desperate lengths?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What kind of pain could cause such single-minded focus where the suffering, the affliction, and even the death of others failed to register?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What did the professor truly hope to accomplish by wreaking such destruction?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>As the story played out on the screen in front of Hiro, the pieces began to fit together, and suddenly he found himself faced with another, more deeply sobering question:</span>
</p><p>
  <span>How was his determination to avenge Tadashi any different? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Callaghan was venting his anger and despair on Krei, the man indirectly responsible for his daughter’s disappearance. The feelings were understandable...but would the chosen response do anything to bring Abigail back?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The rational part of Hiro’s mind knew that it wouldn’t. And that same rational part knew that destroying Callaghan wouldn’t bring Tadashi back either. Weaponizing Baymax - Tadashi’s greatest invention and fullest manifestation of his desire to help others - was, in fact, probably one of the</span>
  <em>
    <span> least </span>
  </em>
  <span>logical things that Hiro could do to honor his brother’s memory, for Tadashi would not have wanted his legacy to be one of destruction or for his invention to be used for the opposite purpose of what he’d created it for. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But the feelings - the anger and the pain and the loss and so many other emotions that Hiro couldn’t put words to - were still there, churning in his heart, and it was hard to let them go.</span>
</p><p><em><span>You don’t have to right now</span></em><span>,</span> <span>the voice of grief said quietly. </span><em><span>It will take time...</span></em></p><p>
  <span>And suddenly Hiro remembered something else Tadashi was fond of saying: “Life is messy, but you’ve gotta live.” He’d said it first when Hiro had been despondent after yet another anniversary of their parents’ deaths had passed. He’d said it again when Hiro had graduated early from high school and had taken to bot fighting during the night and sleeping during the day, not really motivated to do anything or to see anyone. He’d said it a final time the evening before the SFIT showcase, when Hiro had begun to feel the first pangs of nervousness and had exclaimed in a fit of angst that maybe he shouldn’t go through with presenting the microbots - what was the point when they might not get him accepted into Nerd School anyway? </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Life is messy...but you’ve gotta live, Hiro. You have to take risks and let yourself fail sometimes. You have to look around and see the things in this world that are good, because </span>
  </em>
  <span>those</span>
  <em>
    <span> are the things worth working for. You have to try, even if it means falling flat on your face. And then you have to get up and try again. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Tadashi was rarely the kind to philosophize, but he had lived his life with purpose, seeing the good, working for the better, and trying and trying again, even after he failed. The video footage Baymax had just played back was proof of that. And even though Hiro had brushed off his brother’s words at the time, they now seemed to settle a bit more. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Life is messy...but you’ve gotta live. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t fully understand his feelings, and he was still angry. He didn’t feel ready to forgive Callaghan or to let go of what had happened. But maybe that was what Tadashi had meant. Life was messy. Emotions were messy. Grief was messy. And maybe expecting himself to feel a certain way or to have all the answers wasn’t what was important right now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He could admit that he’d been wrong. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He could pivot his perspective and change his approach. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He could seek to bring Callaghan to justice without seeking to end his life. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He could choose to live, and to grieve, and to acknowledge that it wasn’t going to be easy, and that he’d probably make some mistakes along the way, but that there was something good and right in the process, even if it wasn’t perfect.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And he could remember that he wasn’t alone. He had his friends. He had Aunt Cass. He had Baymax. And in a strange and unfathomable way, he still had just a little bit of Tadashi, too. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hiro knew that the pain of his brother’s death was far from over, and that this wasn’t the only time he’d have to face that reality. The feelings would ebb and flow as life continued on and moments came and went without Tadashi - his birthday, Hiro’s first day at Nerd School, the day Tadashi himself would have graduated from SFIT. Those moments would be heart wrenching, and healing from the loss would be a matter of months and years, not days...</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But for as long as it took, grief would be there, and sometimes it would be strong and relentless, and other days it would be gentle and calm, but it would stay...for as long as he needed it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The problem with grief was that it was messy. And persistent. And difficult. But grief eased the pain and drew out the good, little by little, in small bits and pieces, and Hiro knew that grief would make him a stronger and better version of himself, the way Tadashi had, if he was willing to let it in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So he finally decided that he would.  </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I don’t usually write for the Big Hero 6 fandom, but the “Tadashi is here” scene always gets me, and I just wanted to give it some page time here. Thanks for reading - I’d love to hear your thoughts if you’re willing to share.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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